当前位置:考试在线 > 雅思 > 雅思名师 > 名师评点:7.5分雅思写作范文

名师评点:7.5分雅思写作范文

来源:考试在线2012-12-29 在线模考培训课程

  雅思写作的满分是9分,而7.5分的雅思写作文章已经称得上是优秀的雅思写作范文,一般来说要想申请不错的国外大学的话雅思成绩最好是7分或者 7分以上,想要获得7.5分的雅思写作分数,首先语法一定要过关,其次就是文章整体结构和推理都要合理,下面就是小编收集的一篇7.5分的雅思写作范文, 老师也将从细节方面对这篇文章的优势做出分析。

  Band 7.5

  Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments supporting both views, those for and those against fixed punishments.

  On the one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on society. Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimizing the number of crime committed. If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts.

  On the other hand, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for establishing and ensuring justice and equity. A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next.

  In my opinion and intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way to establish and ensure justice and equity. There have to be fixed punishments for all crimes. however, criminal laws have to provide for a minimum and a maximum for the punishment and the laws also have to foresee certain cases of exemptions. An example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is Completion Law where a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine, according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.As for the exemptions, in some countries the law exempts thiefs stealing food during a period of famine taking into consideration the distress and hunger. Also a person killing in self-defense will be exempted from punishment.

  这篇7.5分的雅思写作例文可以说各方面都做的还不错,但是在paraphrase这一点仍有失误,作者应该把penalty早早提到文章的前 面替换掉一些频繁出现的punishment, 同时应该多收集点其它的词,如:castigation, penalization, discipline等。 但是他关于收集犯罪类的词汇上显然homework做的比较足,所以用了很多专业的词汇:

  jury 陪审团; penal 刑事的; arbitrary 武断的;injustice 不公正; subjective approach 主观的方法; prerequisite 前提; self-defense 正当防卫; serial killer 连环杀手; exemption 豁免; liable 应负法律责任的; convict 定…罪; violation 违背。

  从语法上来看,这篇essay 除使用了定语从句外,还有大量的分词短语作定语,如:

  Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. (现在分词)

  A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next. (现在分词)

  according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime. (过去分词)

  被动语态也有展现:

  a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine.

  这两个语法点都被囊括在了几个写作高分语法点中,所以同学在掌握好了以上六条建议之后应该在这些写作高分语法句型上花些精力和时间,以助自己的高分梦想早日实现。

  最后强调下,写作时论证一定要全面,尤其是对于双观点的题型。 更是要掌握好两方论证的顺序和篇幅分配,最后在总结时要注意是否和正文思路吻合。

  总之,以上的7.5分雅思写作范文在语法、词汇上都错的很不错,唯一的小瑕疵就是有些词汇过渡重复使用,而且整体的句式运用相当的丰富,这都是以上这篇7.5分雅思写作范文的优势处。